Surviving Divorce at Christmas - The Natter

19-Dec-2011 Christmas and New Year may be a happy time for most people but it’s also a peak time for spouses contacting solicitors asking about divorce.

Lisa Kemp is an expert in divorce and family law at Manchester firm Kuits Solicitors. She gave us her top survival tips for the festive season.

Lisa writes,

For those recently separated or going through a divorce it can be particularly difficult, especially when children are involved.

One client for whom I recently acted in his divorce and children dispute asked, “What do I do about Christmas?”. It’s a question frequently asked at this time of year.

He has two young children aged five and nine. Whilst his case was not the most acrimonious I have ever dealt with, tensions between him and his former wife are still prevalent following lengthy court proceedings as to where the children should reside.

As a result, those living apart from their children can feel isolated, resentful and find it difficult to adapt to the change in family circumstances. This situation is never going to be easy and there is no “quick fix” solution; however, communication is the key to preventing further acrimony and misunderstandings.

Here are my survival tips to those facing a similar situation in the run-up to Christmas:

 

Plan your gifts
Talk with your former spouse/partner about gifts for the children so they won’t be over-indulged or let down. Don’t compete with each other. If you can, try to make a joint effort to plan your children’s gifts rather than get separate ones. Your children will feel happier getting something from the both of you.

 

Involve the children

If you have done so before, continue to help your children select a present for your former spouse/partner. Not only will they feel happy and secure in doing this but you are also demonstrating goodwill as a role model to them.

 

Don’t overspend

Be realistic in terms of spending. Statistics show that 33% of shoppers say that it will take six months to pay off the Christmas spending debt. Plan in advance a budget that you are going to spend and stick to it. There is little point in overspending at Christmas which might then prevent you from taking the children on holiday during the summer.

 

Plan your time in advance

If your children are old enough, ask them directly how they would like to spend their Christmas. Be cordial with your former spouse/partner about the time the children will spend with you over Christmas. Plan the contact arrangements well in advance to avoid any last-minute understandings. If you are finding this difficult and are unable to reach an agreement, consider alternative options such as mediation as a means of resolving any issues.

 

Don’t forget the grandparents

Keep all extended family, grandparents etc, involved during Christmas. They are an important part of you and your children’s lives and can provide you all with continuity and security in the face of your changed family structure.

 

Not in front of the children

Do not communicate negative feelings about your former spouse/partner through words or behaviour. Your children will be taking their cues from you both.

And finally,

Try to enjoy it!

For more information contact Lisa at lisakemp@kuits.com or www.kuits.com

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